Thursday, 8 May 2014

Never be lied 9

PHASE 2
ELEVEN ATTACK SEQUENCES
It's 8:00 A.M. on a Sunday morning. You're resting in bed 
when the doorbell rings. Mumbling incoherently, you get 
up, put on your robe, and stagger to the door. Upon opening it you're greeted by a smiling, energetic young women 
waving a glossy pamphlet in your face and asking for thirty 
seconds of your time. Ten minutes later you close the door, 
stumble back to bed, and ask yourself, "Why did I give 
that woman ten dollars to save the red-spotted frog from 
extinction? I don't even like frogs." Obviously there was 
something involved that made you exchange something 
you like-—your money—for something you don't particularly care about—frogs. You can see from this transaction 
that sometimes it's the context of a request, not the request 
itself, that determines a person's willingness to cooperate or 
resist.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 1
Direct Questioning
Sometimes the direct approach is best. The only drawback 
to asking a question outright is that you then can't use any 
of the other sequences unless you let a considerable amount 
of time pass.
Stage 1. Ask your question directly. When you talk with 
the person you want to get information from, to maximize 
the amount you learn, follow these six guidelines.
1. Give no advance warning of the subject you're about 
to bring up or of any feelings of mistrust you may have. 
Unsolicited questions are the toughest for him to answer, so 
if he brings up the subject, make sure that you ask your 
question after any statements that he may make. His deceit 
will be harder to detect if:
•  He has responded to the same statement before. When 
you ask your question, phrase it in a new way. Don't keep 
asking the same question over and over again. He gets 
entrenched in his position and good at convincing you. 
By varying how you ask your question, you have more 
opportunities to detect deceit. 
•  He knows that he will be asked the question. Give no 
warning of what's on your mind. 
•  He knows what he's going to say, like an actor reading 
his lines. You know they are not his words; he's just 
following a script. Give him some time and you'll be 
crying and laughing along with him. No matter how 
trained he is, once he gets beyond the script, he's 
unrehearsed and unprepared, and that's right where you 
want him. 
•  He thinks he's justified in lying. This removes all guilt- 
oriented clues. When people believe in what they are saying—even if they don't believe it—they say it with 
conviction. 
•  He feels there's little or nothing at stake, so he probably 
won't appear nervous, which means you can't use those 
clues as an indicator. Most of the other clues will still be 
available for you to observe.
•  He has a severe mental disorder. Such a person does not 
have a concept of right and wrong.
2.  Never reveal what you know first. Ask questions 
to gather information to see if it's consistent with what 
you already know. During World War II, England had 
cracked Enigma, the secret code used by the Germans. 
England learned of an impending attack by the Germans 
on the town of Coventry. However, if Churchill evacuated 
the people, the Germans would know that England had 
broken the code and would change it. This left Churchill 
with an obvious conundrum. Weighing the lives of those 
who lived in Coventry against the enormous possible future gain of being privy to all Germany's war plans, Chur 
chill decided not to tell the townspeople, and hundreds 
died. With any luck you'll never be in such a predicament, 
but you can see that sometimes it's better not to reveal 
your position—even if it means suffering great short-term 
losses.
The greater objective must bekept in mind. This makes 
it possible for him to slip up and reveal information you 
know to be contradictory to the truth. If he knows what 
you know, then he can tailor his story to be consistent with 
the information that you already know.
3.  The way you present yourself can greatly influence 
the attitude of the other person. Simple things such as 
unbuttoning your coat or uncrossing your arms can 
make the other person feel less defensive. When you have 
a rapport with someone, he is much more likely to feel 
comfortable and open up. Rapport creates trust, allowing 
you to build a psychological bridge to the person. The 
conversation is likely to be more positive and you will be 
much more persuasive. Three powerful tips for 
establishing and building rapport are: 
•  Matching posture and movements: If he has one hand in 
his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he makes a 
gesture with his hand, after a moment, you casually make 
the same gesture. 
•  Matching speech: Try to match his rate of speech. If he's 
speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If 
he's speaking quickly, then you speak quickly. 
•  Matching key words: If she is prone to using certain words 
or phrases, employ them when you speak. For instance, 
if she says, "The offer is designed for incredible gain for 
both parties," later in the conversation you might say 
something like, "I like that the offer is designed to offer 
incredible gain . . ." Make sure that you don't seem to be 
mimicking her. Obvious copying of another's movements 
is unproductive. A simple reflection of aspects of the per 
son's behaviour or speech is enough. This can be a 
very powerful skill for you, once you become good at it. 
Later in the questioning you'll move to stage four. This 
will make your target person nervous, enabling you to shift 
strategies. But initially you don't want to make him nervous.
You want to create an environment in which the only reason 
he has to be nervous is if he's done something wrong. This 
way any anxiety-based responses or actions are the product 
of his deceit, not his environment.
4.  Lie detectors use what is called a baseline, which corresponds to the person's normal level of anxiety. It's a good 
idea, if possible, to do something similar. Ask a question 
that you know will produce a response similar to how you 
expect him to react. You need to know whether certain pat 
terns of behaviour are part of this person's usual 
repertoire. 
You want to establish how he responds to a question that 
can be answered easily and use that as a benchmark if you 
don't know the person well. In other words, if he waves his 
arms around no matter what he's talking about, you want 
to know this. 
5.  Although your posture should be relaxed and non- 
threatening, see if you can square off so that you're facing 
each other. This allows you touse several of the detection 
clues having to do with body language (see part 1, section 
1 and 2). 
6.  Never, ever interrupt. You can't learn anything new 
while you're talking. Also ask open-ended questions. This 
gives you the opportunity tohear longer answers. 
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 2. Silence. First, don't respond at all. This will 
usually make him continue talking. The guilty abhor silence. It makes them uncomfortable. It also gives you a
chance to observe other clues such as changes of subject, 
uncomfortable laughter, nervousness, etc.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. Really? At the end of his answer respond with 
"Really?" This one simple word gives you two shots at assessing the same answer. He doesn't know how you feel 
about his answer yet, so it doesn't tip your hand. But it 
forces him to repeat his response. Here, you'll look for clues 
such as if his voice goes up at the end of the sentence (see 
clue 25), indicating he may be unconsciously looking for 
confirmation.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 4. Sudden death. Follow with "Is there anything 
you want to get off your chest?" This puts him on the defensive. Now you can watch for those clues that come out 
when the person is more nervous than before you challenged his credibility. This question really confuses people 
because the answer is going to be no, regardless. But now 
that you've changed the toneof the conversation, he's 
thrown for a loop.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 2
Lead and Confine
Stage 1. Ask a leading question. Ask a question that 
restricts his answer to something he feels is positive, a question he doesn't mind answering truthfully. This technique 
is called lead and confine. For example, if you want to know 
if your boyfriend went out last night, an outright question 
might make him lie if he feels you will be upset. Instead, 
your question is "You were back by two A.M. last night, 
weren't you?" If he didn't go out, he would be free to tell 
you. But if he did, he feels comfortable agreeing with you 
because you make it sound okay. Whether he was or wasn't 
back by two A.M. isn't the point. You've got the answer to 
your real question. 
Let's take another example. If you want know if your 
fiancĂ© ever cheated on you, the question you would ask is 
"You were only with other people before we got engaged, 
right?" Again, she feels that she's comforting you by answering the way you've indicated is okay. Even though she 
answers yes, she still could have cheated on you after you 
got engaged as well. So if you want to know that, too, make 
that the focus of your next attack. After some time has 
passed, you might ask, "I know that you've had to get some 
things out of your system, but when we get married, I want 
to know that I can trust you. You will give up these ways 
once we're married, won't you?"
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 2. Reverse course: You've got be kidding! Now 
you throw her completely off balance, putting her in a situation where she won't know how she should answer. Here 
you sound disappointed that she answered that way. This 
forces her to rethink her answer and become comfortable 
telling you the truth. You would say something like "I was 
hoping you did, so you would have gotten it out of your 
system. Please tell me that you've done it, so I know that 
it's over with."
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. This is not going to work. This is where you 
let her know that everything you've ever thought about her 
may be wrong. The only way she can show you that she is 
the person you thought she was is to confess. "I thought you 
were somebody who had a sense of adventure. Someone who 
knows how to live a little."
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 3
Time Line Distortion
This sequence combines severalpsychological principles 
and produces truly remarkable results. To explain, we'll use 
the following example. Let's say that your wife calls you up 
at work and informs you that your fifteen-year-old son took
the family car for a joy ride and was just brought back by 
the police. You might be understandably upset. However, 
let's take the same set of circumstances, except for one 
thing. In a different conversation, your wife casually men-
tions that this mischievous deed was done by your now 
twenty-five-year-old son ten years earlier. Your reaction is 
likely to be considerably more mild. Why? Because time has 
passed.
Let's look at the flip side of this example. If a couple's 
son borrowed their car without permission ten years earlier, 
he would probably feel that he could mention it with full 
impunity—it might even be amusing at this point—and he 
certainly doesn't have to worry about being punished. It's 
doubtful, though, that he would feel so comfortable telling 
his parents if he had taken the car the night before.
Time is a powerful psychological tool that can shift our 
perspective dramatically. The two factors affecting time are 
when the event occurred and when you became aware of it. 
If either or both of these factors are moved into the past, 
the event is no longer timely.This greatly reduces its perceived significance.
Scenario A 
In this example, you suspect your spouse of having an affair.
Stage 1. Setting the scene. Let the conversation turn 
casually to the topic of cheating. Then very nonchalantly 
joke about the affair that you suspect him of having had. 
This will prompt him to ask what you're talking about.
Stage 2. It's no big deal. Looking fairly shocked that he 
seems concerned, you reply with "Oh, I've always known 
about that. Do you want to know how I found out?" This 
question completely shifts the weight of the conversation. 
He feels that he's totally in the clear and will now seek to 
satisfy his curiosity. He's thinking that the relationship has 
been fine for all this time, even though you "knew" of his 
affair for some time.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3.1 appreciate what you've done. If he still denies 
it, tell him, "I thought that you knew I knew but were protecting my feelings, knowing that I'd understand it was just 
an accident and that I really wouldn't want to talk about it." 
Now it's even more tempting to confess because by doing so, 
he actually thinks that he's a good guy. And that all this time 
he was doing something nice and didn't even know it. 
Scenario B
Let's take an example in which you suspect several employees in your store of stealing money.
Stage I. Setting the scene. With one of the employees 
let the conversation turn casually to stealing and say, "Oh, 
I knew right from the start what was going on."
Stage 2. It's no big deal. "You had to know I knew. 
How else do you think you could have gotten away with it
for so long? I hope you don't think I'm a complete idiot." 
(That's a great phrase because hedoesn't want to risk offending you on top of everything else.)
Stage 3. I appreciate what you've done. "I know that 
you were just going along withit because you were scared 
of what the others would do. It's really okay. I know you're 
not that kind of person." Do you see how nicely this works? 
By confessing he feels that he's being a good person, the 
kind of person his boss thinks he is.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 4
Direct Assumption/Shot in the Dark
Stage 1. Set the scene. This sequence is used when you 
have a gut feeling that something isn't right, but you're not 
quite sure what it is and you don't have any evidence to 
support your thinking. In this sequence he is forced to talk 
about whatever he feels are his misdeeds. You will be 
amazed at what comes out of his mouth. Remember to hold 
your ground and not settle until you hear a confession of 
value. We've all done things we're not proud of. This questioning sequence really opens the mental floodgates. You 
have the leverage because you're in control of the conversation—you're holding all the cards. It's his job to figure out
what he's done wrong and how to make it all right. First set 
the scene: be somewhat curt and standoffish, as if something 
heavy-duty is bothering you. This will cause his mind to 
race to find ways to explain the "error of his ways." 
Stage 2. I’m hurt. Say, "I've just found something out 
and I'm really hurt [shocked/surprised]. I know you're going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just wanted you to 
know that I know." This is different from saying, "Don't lie 
to me." By saying "I know you're going to lie," you establish 
that (a) he's guilty of something and (b) you know what it 
is. Now it's merely a question of whether or not he comes 
clean. Notice that you're not asking for anything. Saying 
"Please don't lie to me" establishes that you don't know 
what the truth is, putting you in a weaker position.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. Holding your ground. Say, "I think we both 
know what I'm talking about. We need to clear the air, and 
we can start by your talking."
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 4. Continue to hold your ground. Repeat phrases 
such as "I'm sure it will cometo you" and "The longer I 
wait, the madder I'm getting."
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 5. Apply social pressure. Now is the time to add 
a little social pressure. This re-establishes that your 
assertion is a fact, not a suspicion. "We were all talking 
about it. Everybody knows." Now he begins to get curious 
about who knows and how they found out. As soon as he 
tries to find out this information, you'll know that he's 
guilty.
If you don't get the answer you 're looking, for continue 
to phase three.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 5
Who, Me?
Stage 1. Setting the scene. This sequence works well 
when you don't have any real proof that someone has 
wronged you but you believe that you are right in your assumption of guilt. For example, let's say Winston's house 
had been broken into. He was convinced that his exgirlfriend, whom he had recently broken up with, was the 
culprit. But he wasn't sure. She had his key, and the only 
thing that was missing was some expensive jewellery that 
was well hidden. But the housekeeper or the electrician who 
had just finished some work could have done it or it might 
have been simply a random burglary. Just calling his exgirlfriend and accusing her of this crime would have been 
futile. She would deny all knowledge of the event, and he 
would be left with no evidence and no confession. Instead, 
he proceeded as follows.
He phoned to let her know in a very non-accusatory way 
that there had been a break-in and some items were missing. 
In an attempt to sound surprised, she asked what happened. 
The following is a short example of the type of conversation 
that would ensue.
WINSTON: The police are going towant to talk to everyone 
who had access to the house. Since you still have a key, 
they're going to want to speak with you. Just routine 
stuff, I'm sure. Of course you're not a suspect.
Ex-GlRLFRIEND: But I don't know anything about it.
WINSTON: Oh, I know. Just policy, I guess. Anyway, one of 
my neighbors said that she got a partial license-plate 
number on a car that was by my house that day.
Ex-GIRLFRIEND: {After a long pause) Well, I was driving 
around your neighbourhood that day. I stopped by to 
see if you were home. But whenyou weren't, I just left.
So far she has effectively explained her presence there 
that day. But in doing so she has established either an uncanny coincidence or her guilt.Had she been innocent, she 
would have had no reason to pursue this line of conversation. He then introduces more evidence.
WINSTON: Oh, really? Well, they did a fingerprint test too.
That should show something. Ex: What 
test? WINSTON: Oh, they dusted for prints and 
… 
At this point she said that the police might 
pick up her prints, since she had been there 
previously. Although by now he knew she 
was involved, it wasn't until about ten minutes 
later that she broke down and confessed—at 
first to just being in the house and then later to 
taking the jewellery. 
Stage 2. Inform non-accusatorily. Casually inform 
your suspect of the situation.
Stage 3. Introduce evidence to be rebutted. As you introduce the evidence, look to see if every one of your statements are met by explanations from him as to how the 
evidence could be misunderstood. For example, let's say 
that you suspect that your co-worker had shredded some of 
your files in hopes of beating you out for a promotion. You 
would first set the stage by letting him know that you can't 
find some important files. And then you say something like, 
"Well, it's a good thing my new secretary noticed someone 
by the shredder the other day.She said she recognized his 
face but didn't know his name." At this point see if he offers 
up a reason as to why he would be mistaken for the "real 
culprit." He might tell you that he was there shredding some 
of his own documents. An innocent person would not feel 
the need to explain in order to avert the possibility that he 
might be wrongly accused.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 4. Continue. Continue with more facts that the 
person can try to explain away. But in actuality, as soon as 
he starts to talk about why the situation might "look that 
way," you know you have him.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 6
Outrageous Accusations
In this sequence you accuse the person of everything and 
anything under the sun. By accusing him of doing every 
possible thing wrong, you will get a confession concerning 
what he has really done—which to him at this point is no 
big deal, considering all thatyou're accusing him of.
Stage 1. Accuse him of everything. In a very fed-up 
manner accuse him of doing every imaginable dishonest and 
disloyal act.
Stage 2. Introduce the suspicion. Now you introduce 
the one thing that you feel he really has done, and in an 
attempt to clear himself of the other charges, he will offer 
an explanation for his one slip-up. He will of course naturally profess total innocence of the other accusations. 
Phrase it as such: "I mean, it's not like you just [whatever 
you suspect him of doing], that would be fine. But all these 
other things are unspeakable."
You might get a response like "No, I just stole that one 
file because of the pressure to get the job done, but I 
would never sell trade secrets!" The only way to prove 
his innocence to all of your outrageous accusations is to 
explain why he did what you really suspect him of 
doing.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
Stage 3. Step in closer. This increases anxiety in the 
guilty. The movement makes him feel he's being closed in 
on. If you don't get the answer you want, go back to stage 
1 and ask again.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 7
Is There a Reason?
Stage 1. Introduce a fact. In this sequence the person 
must answer your question withinformation, not a simple 
denial. For example, if you want to know if your secretary 
went out last night when she said she was sick, your question 
might be "I drove by your house on the way home. Is there a 
reason your car wasn't in the driveway?" If you simply ask, 
"Did you go out last night?" she can deny that she did. But 
by introducing a plausible fact, you force her to answer. If 
she was out, she will try to explain the missing car. When she 
does, you will have verified what you suspect to be true— 
that she was not at home sick. Do you see how this works? If
she lied about having to stay home because she was sick, 
then she has to explain where the car was. She might say 
that a friend borrowed it or that she ran out to get cold medicine, etc. Had she been home sick, she would simply tell you 
that you were wrong—the car was in the driveway.
Stage 2. One more shot. You want to give her one more 
shot at coming clean or at coming up with a reasonable 
explanation to explain your "fact." Say, "Oh, that's odd, I 
called your house and I got your machine." To which she 
might reply, "Oh, I turned my machine on to get some rest." 
Remember, if she is guilty she will look for any way to make 
her story fit your facts. If she does this, she's probably lying. 
Now it's possible that a friend did borrow the car and that 
she did turn her machine off. However, at some point these 
"explanations" are going to start sounding manufactured.
Additionally, because she is forced to tell new lies to protect previous ones, you now have several statements you can 
look at for signs of deceit.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. Stare. Staring is an underused yet formidable 
weapon. It produces different results depending upon particular situations. Staring makes someone who is on the defensive feel closed in; your glare is infringing on her personal 
space, inducing a mental claustrophobia. Toescape she 
needs only tell you the truth. Lock eyes with her and ask 
again.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 8
Third-Party Confirmation
This sequence is one of the more powerful ones, provided 
you have the cooperation of a third party. You gain maximum credibility, because it removes just about any doubt 
that there is deception on your part.
Scenario
You suspect one of your employees is having someone else 
punch out on the time clock for him.
Stage 1. Accuse outright. After gaining the assistance of 
a friend or co-worker, you have this person make the accusation for you. Such as "Mel, 1 was talking to Cindy, and 
she told me she's getting prettytired of your having someone 
else punch out for you so you can leave work early."
At this point Mel is concerned only with Cindy's disapproval of his actions. Your friend is thoroughly believable 
because we rarely think to question this type of third-party 
setup.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage. 
Stage 2. Are you kidding? If he still won't confess, switch 
the focus with "Are you kidding? It's common knowledge, 
but I think I know how you can smooth things over with 
her." See if he takes the bait. A person who's innocent would 
not be interested in smoothing things over with someone else 
for something that he hasn't done.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. Last call. "Okay. But are you sure?" At this 
point any hesitation is likely to be sign of guilt because he's 
quickly trying to weigh his options.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 9
The Chain Reaction
In this sequence you create a chain reaction that originates 
in the person's own deceitful actions. In other words, the 
only way he can take advantage of a new opportunity presented to him is to admit his previous actions. The sequence 
is based on the assumption that the wrongdoing took place 
and brings the conversation past that. Whenever you want 
a confession, you're far better off moving the conversation 
past his actions. Otherwise he's likely to lie or become defensive. Both reactions do you little good. However, if the 
focus of your discussion is not on what he has already done,
then you're likely to get him to admit to his actions, as he 
assumes that you already have proof of them.
Scenario
You suspect several employees in your store of stealing 
money.
Stage 1. Setting the scene. In a one-on-one meeting with 
the employee, let him know thatyou're looking for someone 
to be in charge of a new internal theft program for the entire company.
Stage 2. The irony is . . . "We're looking for someone 
who knows how it's done. Now don't worry, you're not going 
to get in trouble. As a matter of fact we've known about it for 
some time. We were more interested in seeing how efficient 
you were. Quite impressive. Anyway, we feel that since you 
know how it's done, you'll know how to prevent it. Granted, 
it's pretty unusual, but this is an unusual instance."
He now feels comfortable with his previous actions. His 
new position is even dependent upon his misdeeds. Denying 
what he's done will cost him his big promotion. If you tell 
your story convincingly, he will even boast about his misdeeds.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to the next stage.
Stage 3. I told them so. "You know, I told them that 
you would be too afraid to have an open discussion about
this. [Notice how disarming the phrase "open discussion" 
is; it's much better than "confess" or "stop lying."] They 
were wrong, I was right."
This works because he now feels that whoever "they" are, 
they're on his side. He's going to be hesitant about letting 
"them" down. Look for hesitation on his part. If he's guilty 
he will be weighing his options. This takes time. An innocent 
person has nothing to think about. Only the guilty have the 
option of confessing or not.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
ATTACK S E Q U E N C E 10
The Missing Link
This sequence is used when you have some idea about 
what's going on, but you don't have the full story. You offer 
the information you do have so that he believes the rest of 
what you say. This is also used with one magic key phrase, 
and if he takes the bait, he's guilty.
Scenario
You think that your mother-in-law may have hired a private 
investigator to follow you around.
Stage 1. List facts. Tell her something that you know to 
be true. "I know you're not very fond of me, and that you 
objected to the wedding, but this time you've gone too far."
Stage 2. State your assumption. "I know all about the 
investigator. Why did you think that was necessary?"
Stage 3. The magic phrase. "You know what, I'm too 
upset to talk about this now." 
If she becomes quiet she's probably guilty. If she has no 
idea what you're talking about, you can be sure that she 
doesn't care if you're too upset to talk about it—because 
you have no reason to be upset.
The guilty person will honour your request because she 
won't want to anger you further. An innocent person will 
be mad at you for accusing her of something that she hasn't 
done and will want to discuss it now.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue 
to phase three.
A T T A C K S E Q U E N C E 11
Condemn or Concern
Stage I. I'm just letting you know. The key with this 
sequence is not to accuse, just to inform. The response of 
your suspect will let you know if he's innocent or guilty.
This sequence explores a person's frame of mind when he 
or she is presented with new information. Pamela has a 
routine physical, and when her doctor gets the blood test 
results, he calls to inform her that she has contracted the 
herpes virus. Thinking back over her recent sexual partners, 
she is convinced that it must have been either Mike or Steven 
who gave her the disease. Merely asking her two "suspects" 
if they knowingly gave her herpes would probably prove 
futile, as a denial by both would be likely. Fortunately Pamela is skilled in the art of detecting deceit and decides on 
a different course of action.
She calls both guys up and casually informs them that 
she just found out that she has herpes. The responses she 
got led her straight to the culprit. After hearing the news 
the two men responded as follows:
MlKE: Well, don't look at me. I didn't give it to you! I'm
clean. 
STEVEN: You what! How long have you had it for? You
might have given it to me! I can't believe this. Are you
sure?
Which one is likely to be the guilty party? If you guessed 
Mike, you're right. On hearing that his previous sexual partner has an incurable, easily transmissible disease, he goes 
on the defensive—assuming that he is being accused of giving it to her. He is unconcerned about his own health because he already knows he is infected. Steven, in contrast, 
assumes that the call is to inform him that she might have 
infected him. Thus, he gets angry because he is concerned 
about his health. Mike simply wants to make Pamela believe 
he is not guilty.
Here's another example. Let's say that you're working in 
the customer service department of a computer store. A customer brings back a nonworking printer for an exchange,
claiming that he bought it just few days before. He has the 
all-important receipt and the printer is packed neatly in the 
original box. Upon inspecting the contents you find that a 
necessary, expensive, and easily removable component of 
the machine is missing, a clearindication of why the machine was not functioning properly. Here are two possible 
responses you might get after informing the customer of 
your discovery.
Response 1. "I didn't take it out. That's how it was 
when I bought it." (Defensive) 
Response 2. "What? You sold me a printer that has a
missing part? I wasted two hours trying to get that
thing to work. " (Offensive)
Do you see how effective this is? The person who utters 
Response 2 has every right to be annoyed; it never crosses 
his mind that he's being accused of anything. The person 
who gives Response 1 knows he never even tried to get the 
printer to work because he took the part out. It doesn't occur 
to him to become angry. He assumes that he's being accused 
of removing the part and becomes defensive when you inform him the part is missing.
If you don't get the answer you're looking for, continue to 
phase three

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