Never be lied 15

SELF-DECEPTION

The easiest person to lie to is someone who wants 

to be deceived. While several factors can get in the 

way of our getting to the truth, the worst 

offenders are usually ourselves. If you don't want 

to see the truth, you often will not. We all have a 

friend whose boyfriend comes home late every night 

from work. He's seen around town with women 

half his age, smells like perfume, and is constantly 

taking business trips on the weekend. Yet despite 

all of the evidence she refuses to see the truth. 

She accepts him at his word, and that is that.

When we don't want to see the truth we'll lie to 

ourselves. These lies are the toughest to spot 

because they are our own. There's no objectivity to 

give us perspective.

People spend millions calling 900 numbers to 

hear a recording of their lucky lottery numbers. 

We would like to believe that we could make a 

thousand dollars an hour in

our spare time working at home from the 

kitchen table. Our desire to believe strongly 

influences what we see as our reality, from miracle 

wrinkle creams to guaranteed weight-loss pills. 

And our desire not to see filters out vital information that would often give us clues to 

discovering the truth.

Only the exceptional person is willing to look at 

what he doesn't want to see, listen to what he 

doesn't want to hear, and believe that which he 

wishes would not exist.

When you go into a meeting wanting it to work 

out, you'll overlook too many things that may 

make it a bad deal. You must try to remain as 

objective as possible—^as if you were reviewing the 

information for someone else. Wishful thinking, 

desire, and hope cannot allow you to lose sight 

of reality. 

The secret lies in learning how to suspend your 

interests. And yes, there is an easy way to do this 

usually difficult task. Watch out for the three Cs. 

They are compliments, confirmation, and 

confrontation. If you're listening with any of these 

preconceptions in mind, the information is likely to 

be distorted. 

In other words, if you're looking for praise, 

looking to confirm that which you already know, or 

looking for an argument, you will miss the true 

meaning behind the message.

O P I N I O N S , A T T I T U D E S , AND 

BELIEFS

In the previous paragraphs, we saw how our desire 

to see or not to see colours our perception of 

reality. What we believe to be true also distorts our 

perception. All of our prejudices, beliefs, 

attitudes, and opinions filter out the truth.

If you grew up to respect and revere authority 

and were taught never to question an authority 

figure, this belief will greatly inhibit your ability to 

be objective about information that comes from 

someone in such a position. Similarly, if you 

believe that all salesmen are thieves or that all 

police are corrupt, it becomes impossible to see 

what is there. Instead you see a projection of your 

own ideals, beliefs, and prejudices.

Sometimes we need to generalize about our 

world; with literally thousands of decisions to 

make each day, we can't look at everything as if 

we were seeing it for the first time. There are 

times, however, when it's vitally important to 

suspend your beliefs. Then and only then can you 

see things as they are, not how you believe them 

to be.

DON'T LET YOUR 

EMOTIONS GET THE 

BETTER OF YOU

Strong emotions cloud our perception of reality. 

Over two thousand years ago, Aristotle had this to 

say about emotion and distortion: "Under the 

influence of strong feeling we are easily deceived. 

The coward under the influence of fear and the 

lover under that of love have such illusions that the 

coward owing to a trifling resemblance thinks he 

sees an enemy and the lover his beloved."

Emotional states are either self-induced, 

externally 

brought on, or arise froma combination of the 

two. Some of the more powerful ones are: guilt, 

intimidation, appeal to ego, fear, curiosity, our 

desire to be liked, and love. If you're operating in 

any of these states, your judgment is likely to be 

impaired. 

Furthermore, anyone who uses any of these is 

attempting to move you from logic to emotion—to 

a playing field that's not so level. In the process 

the truth gets lost because you're not operating 

logically and can't effectively see the evidence 

before you, let alone weigh it. Some generic 

examples of how these manipulations sound are as 

follows:

Guilt: "How can you even say that? I'm hurt 

that you wouldn't trust me. I just don't know who 

you are anymore."

Fear: "You know, you might just lose this entire 

deal. I don't think that's going to make your boss 

very happy. I sure hope you know what you're 

doing. I'm telling you thatyou won't get a better 

deal anywhere else. You're a fool if you think 

otherwise."

Appeal to ego: "I can see that you're a smart 

person. I wouldn't try to put anything past you. 

How could I? You'd be on to me in a second."

Curiosity: "Look, you only live once. Try it. 

You can always go back to how things were 

before. It might be fun, exciting—a real 

adventure."

Desire to be liked: "I thought you were a real 

player. So did everybody else. This is going to be a 

real disappointment if you don't come through for 

us."

Love: "If you loved me you wouldn't question 

me. Of course I have onlyyour best interest at 

heart. I wouldn't lie to you. You know that deep 

down inside, don't you?" 

Look and listen objectively—not only at the 

words but at the message. These internal truth 

blockers interfere with your ability to digest the 

facts. When these emotions creep into your 

thinking, temporarily suspend your feelings and 

look in front of you, not inside yourself.