These clues concern how a liar thinks and what elements
are usually missing from a story that's fictitious.
CLUE 26
He's Got Cheating on His Mind
How people see the world is often a reflection of how they
see themselves. If they think that the world is just a cesspool
of lies and deceit, then they themselves may be full of lies
and deceit. Watch out for those people who are always telling you just how corrupt the rest of the world is. As the
saying goes, "It takes one to know one."
More specifically, if someone out of the blue with no real
evidence accuses you of lying, ask yourself, "Why is he so
paranoid?" In psychological terms this is what is referred
to as projection. That's why the con artist is the first one to
accuse another of cheating. If you're constantly being questioned about your motives or activities, this should send off
bells in your mind. How often do we hear of a jealous boyfriend who constantly accuses his girlfriend of cheating on
him only to have her find out later that he's guilty of everything he's been accusing her of doing?
Also, if he is always asking you if you believe him, then
beware. Just as the clinically paranoid person feels that
everyone can see right through him, this person questions
the integrity of his facade. If your response gives no real
indication of your thoughts, someone who is deceitful may
respond with something like "You don't believe me, do
you?" Here's a good rule of thumb: most people who tell
the truth expect to be believed.
CLUE 27
The Single Guy
Is the focus of the individual whose veracity you're trying
to assess internal or external? Let's say a single man walks
into a bar hoping to meet a woman. If he considers himself
to be attractive and a good catch, then his focus would be
on what the women in the bar look like. If he considers
himself to be unattractive, then he would be more concerned
with how he appears to them. In other words, his focus shifts
depending upon his level of confidence.
When a person has confidence in his words, he's more
interested in your understandinghim and less interested in
how he appears to you. This isa subtle clue, but we can see
examples of this in everyday life. When you're interested
simply in making a point, you want to make sure the other
person understands you. When you're deceitful or trying to
cover up, your focus is internal—on how you sound and
appear as you're relating the "facts." You're conscious of
your every word and movement. You try to act in a certain
way so you will be perceived as you want to be. Subtle difference, but a big distinction.
CLUE 28
Another Dimension in Lying
Here's a clear indication of a story that doesn't ring true. As
careful as he may be in relating the details of an event, the
liar often leaves out one crucial element—the point of view
or the opinion of someone else. This is because it adds another dimension or layer to his thinking that the liar is usually not clever enough to comeup with. While other people
may be included in his story, another person's thoughts are
not. Suppose you ask your girlfriend where she was last
night. She tells you she had to work late. But you're not
convinced that's true. So you press for more information
and ask what she had for dinner. Here are two possible
answers she might give:
1. "Oh, I wasn't really hungry, so I just came home and
watched TV with my roommate. She made pasta but I
passed on it."
2. "Oh, I wasn't really hungry, so I just came home and
watched TV. My roommate was so shocked that I would
actually skip a meal, especially her famous pasta dish."
Both answers contain pretty much the same information,
but the second adds another layer of thought—the room-
ate's point of view. Our gut instinct might tell us that this
answer is more believable and more likely to be true than
the first one. Not including another's point of view in an
answer doesn't immediately disqualify it. The inclusion of
another's point of view, though, will often indicate that
you're being told the truth.
CLUE 29
Everything Went Perfectly!
One thing is almost always missing from a story that's not
true—what went wrong. Events that are made up rarely
include any negative details. A person who is lying is concerned with getting her story straight, and her thoughts are
essentially one-dimensional. This means only primary
thoughts—which are positive. Negation is not a primary
emotion. In much the same way that if I said "Don't think
of an elephant," you couldn't do it. In order to process the
information, you need to first think of an elephant. Ask a
friend to tell you about her last vacation. She'll cover all of
the bases, both positive and negative—maybe the food was
good, maybe the flight was delayed. Then ask someone to
make up a story about a vacation that she never went on.
You'll notice that the elements are usually all positive. The
luggage never gets lost on a made-up voyage.
One caveat to this clue: if the story is used as an explanation as to why he was delayed or had to cancel plans, then
obviously you can expect negatives. In that case this clue
would not be helpful.
CLUE 30
Is There Anything You Would Like to Know?
A good liar may be practiced at answering questions so that
she sounds truthful. But even the best will give themselves
away by not asking the right questions. The reason for this
is that the conversation is not real for the liar. After all,
she's not interested in learning anything. She only wants to
convince you that she is being truthful. For example, during
their first intimate encounter, Randy asks his new girlfriend
if she's ever been tested for AIDS. She responds with "Oh,
yes, certainly," and continues on a bit about annual
checkups, giving blood, etc. And then nothing! If she was
concerned about her health, as her answer implied, then
she would have asked him the same question. The liar is
often unaware that coming across as truthful means both
answering and asking questions.
SUMMARY
• We often see the world as a reflection of
ourselves. If you're being accused of something,
check your accuser's veracity.
• Look at whether his focus is internal or
external. When a person is confident about
what he's saying, he's more interested in your
understanding him and less interested in how he
appears to you.
• The point of view of a third party is likely to
be absent from a liar's story.
• In relating a story, a liar often leaves out the
negative aspects.
• A liar willingly answers your questions but asks
none of his own.
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