Unlike internal truth blockers, which we bring on ourselves,
these truth blockers are done to us. These are the psychological secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade—factors
that can affect your judgment in objectively evaluating information.
No matter what area of life we're in, we're always selling
something. In business you'reselling a product or service.
In your personal life you're selling yourself and your ideas.
Regardless of the situation,the reason you don't succeed is
always going to be the same: the person doesn't believe what
you're saying is true.
Let's say you're a real estate broker. Someone who is not
investing with you may say "I have to think about it" or "I
have to talk to my wife." But really it all comes down to one
thing. If your prospect believed what you were saying was
true—-that you would make him money—then he would invest with you, wouldn't he? Establishing credibility is the
key to influencing the behaviour of others. When credibility
can't be gained through the facts, distortion of the truth is
what often follows.
These techniques can be difficult to escape because
they're based on psychological principles of human nature.
The good news is that these tactics are a lot like a magic
trick. Once you know how the trick is done, you can't be
fooled.
RULE 1
Wow! You're Just Like Me
We all tend to like, trust, and subsequently be influenced
by people like ourselves. We feel a sense of connection and
understanding. If you've been to a casino recently, you may
have noticed something interesting on every employee's
name tag. It looks a lot like this:
Jim Smith
V. P., Marketing
Atlanta, GA
The employee's hometown is right on the tag. Why?
Because it helps to create a bond with anyone who has
lived there or maybe has a relative in that area. It invariably starts a conversation and the gambler begins to feel
connected with this person. Something as innocuous as a
name tag has created instant rapport and possibly a loyal
customer.
You may be thinking that this seems harmless enough,
and you'd be right. What's the big deal, anyway? Well, if
all that was affected by this psychological trait was name
tags, then we wouldn't have to worry. But it's not. It's
much more pervasive and far-reaching than you could
ever imagine.
Listing all the situations in which this rule could be used
on you would fill a book on its own. Therefore, here are the
three most popular ways that it infiltrates our lives.
1. Watch out when you're asked about your hobbies,
hometown, values, favourite foods, etc., only to be
followed with the obligatory "Me too, what a
coincidence."
2. Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice
to us, we not only like him more but are more likely to agree
with him. Don't you know this to be true in your own life?
If he's agreeing to everything you say, whether or not it
makes sense, watch out. The phrase "flattery will get you
nowhere" couldn't be further from the truth.
A great little fable by Aesop illustrates this nicely. It's
called "The Fox and the Crow."
A fox spied a crow sitting on a branch of a tall tree with
a golden piece of cheese in her beak. The fox, who was both
clever and hungry, quickly thought of a plan to get the
cheese away from the crow.
Pretending to notice the crow for the first time, the fox
exclaimed, "My, what a beautiful bird! I must say that is
the most elegant black plumage I have ever seen. Look how
it shines in the sun. Simply magnificent!"
The crow was flattered by all this talk about her feathers.
She listened to every sugary word that the fox spoke. The
fox continued: "I must say that this is the most beautiful
bird in the world. But I wonder, can such a stunning bird
have an equally splendid voice? That," said the cunning
fox, "would be too much to ask." The crow, believing the
fox's words, opened her beak to let out an ear-piercing caw\
As she did so, the cheese tumbled out of her mouth and was
gobbled up instantly by the fox. The moral: never trust a
flatterer.
Does this mean that you should be wary of every single
compliment and always assume the one who compliments
you has an ulterior motive? Of course not. Just be alert to
praise that drips with insincerity.
3. Finally, remember our discussion about rapport in
part 2? Well, it can just as easily be used on you. Rapport
creates trust. It allows the other to build a psychological
bridge to you. You feel more comfortable and your gullibility increases. Take note if your movements, rate of
speech, or tone are echoed by another.
RULE 2
Beware the Stranger Bearing Gifts
Ever wonder why religious groups offer a flower or some
other gift in the airport? They know that most people will
feel compelled to give them a small donation. We know we
don't have to, but we can become uncomfortable, even
though we didn't ask for the gift in the first place.
When someone gives us something, we often feel indebted
to him. When you are presented with a request, make sure
that you're not acting out of a sense of obligation. This rule
can take many forms—it's not limited to gifts. You could
be offered information, a concession, or even someone's
time. Don't think that salespeople don't know that if they
invest a lot of time with you, showing you a product, demonstrating how it works, you will feel somewhat obligated
to buy it, even if you're not sure that you really want it. The
key is to decide what's right independent of the other person's interest in your decision.
RULE 3
It's Half Price! But Half of What?
This principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted
differently based upon the order in which they're presented.
In other words, we compare and contrast. In an electronics
store the salesperson might showyou accessories to go with
your stereo system after you've agreed to buy it. Somehow
the fifty-dollar carrying case and a thirty-dollar warranty
doesn't seem that much in the wake of an eight-hundreddollar system. Because he has shown you the costlier items
first, your perspective shifts and the items seen afterwards
are deemed more reasonable.
A less-than-reputable used car salesman might show you
several cars that are priced 20 to 30 percent higher than
they should be. Then he'll show you a car that's priced fairly
and you'll think it's a great deal. To you, it feels as if you're
getting more car for the money—what a bargain! When
really you only think that because you're comparing it to
the other cars.
Other examples of this principle are price markdowns.
An item that's been reduced from $500 to $200 certainly
seems like a better bargain than something that sells for
$150. The contrast on the sale item makes it more attractive, even if it's not as nice asthe item that sells for less. "I
know it's expensive, but look at what it used to sell for" is
the familiar retort.
In some of the finer restaurants, guests are treated to
sorbet between courses. This is done to clear the palate.
Flavours from previous dishes won't mix with others, so
that each dish may be enjoyed completely. When you have,
a decision to make, why not clear your mental palate? To
do this you need only consider each decision by itself. This
can best be accomplished by letting time pass between decisions and by independently determining the value of the
object.
RULE 4
Just Do This One Little Thing for Me?
Know when to stick to your guns and when not to. Most of
us have a strong tendency to actin a manner consistent with
our previous actions—even if it's not a good idea. It's just
human nature. We are compelled to be consistent in our
words, thought, beliefs, and actions.
It has to do with the ability to make a decision independent of previous decisions. And the higher a person's selfesteem, the greater the chance that he or she will make
independent decisions. The following, which is from my
book Instant Analysis, deals with this phenomenon. If you
have a low or negative self-image, then you feel more compelled to justify your previous actions so you can be "right."
You will eat food that you don't want because you ordered
it. You will watch a video that you really don't want to see
because you went "all the way to the video store in the
rain to get it." You continually try to "make things right,"
justifying old actions with consistent behaviour. In other
words, watching the video that you went to get makes getting the video the smart thing to do, even if you no longer
feel like watching it.
Your primary concern is with being right, even if it
means compromising present judgment in order to
satisfy and justify past behaviours. This is done in the
hope that you can turn things around so that you can be
right.
The ultimate example of this behaviour is the process of
cult recruiting. You may wonder how an intelligent and
aware person could ever get involved in a cult—where the
members give up family, friends, possessions, and in some
very sad instances, their lives. The higher a person's selfesteem, the less likely he or she will be to fall prey to a
cult—primarily because a person with a positive self-image
can admit to himself, and to others, that he's done something stupid. Those who lack self-worth cannot afford to
question their judgment, worth, or intelligence. The method
employed in cult recruitment isto involve the person slowly
over a period of time. Each new step of involvement forces
the person to justify his or her previous behaviour. This is
why cultists don't just walk up to someone and say, "Hey,
do you want to join our cult and give up all of your possessions?"
This rule can greatly influence your decision-making
process. Essentially, by getting you to agree to small, seemingly innocuous requests, the person sets you up for
something larger. By agreeing to the small requests, you
justify your behaviour by realigning your thinking as
follows: "I must really care about this person or I wouldn't
be helping him" and "I must really care about this cause or
I wouldn't be doing any of this."
To avoid others using this rule on you, beware if you are
asked to commit to something, even in a small way. This
request is usually followed by a slightly greater request, and
over time your sense of commitment is built up to the point
where you feel locked into your decision.
When you make decisions, notice if your best interests
are being served or if you're simply trying to "make right"
a previous behaviour.
RULE 5
The Bandwagon Effect
This principle states that we have a tendency to see an action
as appropriate if other people are doing it. This psychological trait invades many areas of our life. Laugh tracks for
television comedy shows come courtesy of this principle
as well.
Do we think that something is funnier if others are
laughing? Absolutely. Your neighbour, whom you never
looked at twice, suddenly appears more attractive when
you're told that every woman is dying to date him. Cherry
red—the colour that the car salesman told you is the hottest
seller of the season—suddenlybecomes a must-have. The
key to avoiding the influence of this rule is to separate your
level of interest from other people's desire. Just because
you're told that something is the latest, best, hottest, or biggest seller doesn't make it right for you.
RULE 6
A White Lab Coat Doesn't Make
Anyone an Expert
Of all the psychological tools, this is by far the most used
and abused by retailers. We all remain to some degree quite
susceptible to our earlier conditioning regarding authority—
mainly, it is to be respected. This is fine, except that the
abuses of our vulnerability are flagrant and rampant. Have
you ever noticed what cosmeticsalespeople in department
stores wear? Lab coats! Does this not seem odd? Why do
they wear them? Because it makes them look like experts.
And we are more likely to believe what they have to say
because they are perceived as more credible.
Recently my friend had told me that he had rented the
absolute worst movie he had ever seen in his life. When I
asked what possessed him to rent it, he replied, "The guy
behind the counter told me I would like it." As soon as he
said this, he realized how silly he had been. What on earth
does the guy behind the counter know about my friend or
his taste in movies? Just because someone's behind a
counter, wearing a lab coat, orholding a clipboard, that
doesn't make him an expert.
R U L E 7
Rare Doesn't Always Mean Valuable
This principle states that the harder something is to acquire,
the greater the value we place on its attainment. In essence,
we want what we can't have and want what is hard to obtain
even more.
"We're probably out of stock on that item. It's a huge
seller. But if I did have one available, you would want it,
right?" There's a better chance you would say yes when the
possibility of attainment is at its lowest.
Compare the above sentence with the following one and
see if you would be as apt to agree to the purchase: "We
have a warehouse full of them. Should I write up the order
now?" The impetus to act just isn't there this time. No urgency, no scarcity, and no desire. The key to avoid this rule
being used on you is to ask yourself this question: would I
still want it if there were a million just like it and no one
wanted any of them?
RULE 8
A Colour Pie Chart Doesn't Make It True
Benjamin Disraeli put it best when he said, "There are three
kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics." It never ceases
to amaze me just how easily swayed we become by something that "looks" official. Just because someone points to
a colour graph as "proof" doesn't make everything he's
saying true. Don't be swayed by the mode of the
message— rather, focus on the message itself. How many
of us listen to a salesman's pitch, only to be presented with
a nice colour brochure outlining everything that's just
been said? At what point did we come to believe that the
printing press doesn't lie?
There's an old saying that goes "Nobody ever sells a horse
because it's a bad horse. They sell it for tax purposes." Often
we don't stop and ask ourselves, "Does this make sense?"
A dash of common sense can go a long, long way.
RULE 9
I'm on Your Side
This technique is used to gain credibility. When it is done
effectively, you would swear that you've just made a new
best friend who has only your best interest at heart. For this
rule, he manufactures a scenarioto gain your trust, then
uses this trust in a real-life situation.
For example, let's say that you're in a mattress store and
considering buying the Super Deluxe—a firm, top-of-theline bed. The salesman tells you that if you want it he'll
order it for you, but he feels you should know something
first. He proceeds to tell you that while the consumer would
never realize it, this manufacturer sometimes uses recycled
materials on the inside.
What has he accomplished by this? He has gained your
complete confidence. He's risking a sale to tell you
something that you'd never find out otherwise. Now you'll
be inclined to trust anything he says. At this point he
shows you the Supreme Deluxe. It's priced slightly higher
than your first choice, but has no used materials inside.
RULE 10
Look at What You're Getting,
Not What You're Promised
To avoid being deceived, evaluate a person's integrity based
upon what is being presented, not what is promised. Henry
was an older man who went store to store selling pocket
watches. To those in the store, salespeople and shoppers
alike, he was a peddler. And he retired a millionaire. He did
nothing that was illegal per se. How did he become so
wealthy selling pocket watches? Mainly because he never
sold the watch. What he sold was the story.
Henry would walk into the shop and ask if anyone would
like to buy a beautiful handcrafted crystal lamp. The cost
was only thirty-five dollars, hundreds less than what one
would expect to pay.
He made the lamps himself and enjoyed "giving them
away." Since he had only one sample he would need to take
orders. He diligently took down the names and addresses of
each eager person and refused toaccept any sort of deposit.
"You'll pay when you get it and when you're happy with
it," he would say, smiling. Henry had now established himself as a trusting person and one who had a beautiful
product at a fantastic price. He has their trust and their
confidence.
Henry also carried a large box with a handle. And invariably someone at some point would ask what was in the box.
This is when Henry went to work. He opened the box, revealing beautiful sterling silver pocket watches individually
wrapped and protected. He told his eager audience just
about anything he wanted to about the watches. They had
no reason to doubt him or their value. After all, look at
everything he had "done" for them so far. Henry would sell
the pocket watches to most of the nice folks who placed
orders for his lamp. Nobody ever did get a lamp—just an
overpriced pocket watch, sold to them by a kind old man.
Remember Henry the next time you make a decision
based upon something that has been promised, but not delivered.
RULE II
Well, Can You at Least Do This?
If you're asked to do a rather large favour for someone only
to decline his request for help, beware. A smaller favour,
the one he really wants you to do, may follow. We are
more likely to agree to a smaller request if we're first
presented with a larger one. There are three psychological
motivations at work:
1. You feel that in contrast to the first request, the
smaller one is no big deal.
2. You feel bad for not coining through on his original
favour, and this seems like a fair compromise
3. You don't want to be perceived as unreasonable.
Refusing the large request is one thing. And this small
favour is not going to kill you.
R U L E 12
I'll Show You
Nobody wants to be prejudged or negatively evaluated. That
is to say, people dislike being thought of as lesser, in any
way, shape, or form. Here's how those who understand this
rule can use it against you. You walk into a clothing store
and ask to see a certain designer sweater. The salesman
shows you where it is and adds, "It may be a little pricey
for you, we have some less expensive ones over there." "I'll
show that jerk," you think to yourself. "I'll buy this sweater
and prove that I can afford it." You leave mad with an
expensive purchase, head heldhigh, of course. The salesman? He's smiling all the way to the bank. This rule uses
what is commonly referred to as reverse psychology. By implying what he "thought" you could afford, he forced your
ego to prove to him wrong.
CONCLUSION
Whether it's business or personal matters—from casual conversations to in-depth
negotiations—the techniques that you have learned will significantly change the way you relate to the rest of the world. Now that you've gained that extra edge, you'll enjoy an
unprecedented opportunity to use the most important secrets governing human behaviour
for enhancing and advancing your business and personal relationships.
There will probably never be a way to stop people from trying to lie to you, but now you'll
be ready for them. And with each new encounter, in any situation, you will never be lied to
again
