WHAT IS SAID: ACTUAL VERBAL CONTENT
"The cruellest lies are often told in silence."
—ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON
The words we choose to express ourselves provide a window
to our true feelings. When we wish to deceive, we choose certain words, phrases, and syntax that we think will convey
truth in our message. Think of the many ways you can communicate the word yes, from the verbal to the nonverbal.
How we choose to express ourselves indicates how strongly
we believe what we say.
There are subtle differences between what the truth
sounds like and what a lie dressed up to sound truthful sounds like. The words we choose to convey a message
are much more reflective of our true feelings than you might
suspect.
CLUE 15
Using Your Words to Make His Point
Have you ever noticed how you respond to social gestures
of courtesy when you're preoccupied? In the morning, when
you walk into your office and someone says "Good morning" to you, you respond with "Good morning." If you're
greeted with "Hello," you answer "Hello." You're just not
interested in making the effort to think.
In this clue, though, the person accused doesn't have time
to think, so he reflects back the statement of his accuser out
of fear. Because he is caught off guard, he replies using the
other person's words, but in the negative. Making a positive
statement negative is the fastest way to get the words out.
For example, an aggrieved spouse asks, "Did you cheat on
me?" The liar answers, "No, I didn't cheat on you." "Did
you ever cheat on me?" draws the response "No, I never
cheated on you." Did you becomes didn't and ever becomes
never. Remember, above all else, the guilty wants to get his
answer out fast. Any delay makes him feel like he appears
more guilty. And to the guilty every second that passes
seems like an eternity.
Skilled interviewers and interrogators know the following
rule concerning contractions. When a suspect uses a contraction—"It wasn't me" instead of "It was not me"—statistically speaking, there is a 60 percent chance he's being
truthful. Sometimes the guilty, in an attempt to sound emphatic, don't want to use a contraction in their statement of
innocence; they want to emphasize the not.
CLUE 16
The More He Tries, the More
You Should Worry
It's often been said that the best people to sell to are those
who have signs posted saying NOSALESMAN OR SOLICITORS.
These people know that they canbe sold anything, so they
attempt to deflect salespeople from trying.
A person speaking the truth is not concerned about
whether you misunderstand him; he is always willing to
clarify. The liar wants to be sure that you understand his
point immediately so that he can change the subject and no
further questions will be asked.When his evidence is fragile,
the words he uses are bold and solid, to compensate. For
example, asked if he ever cheated on a test in law school,
Peter might respond with "I'm pretty sure I never did." If
he had and wanted to convince someone to the contrary, his
response is likely to be more definitive: "No, I would never
cheat on a test." Of course someone who never has cheated
might give the same answer, so this statement needs to be
considered in the context of the conversation and in conjunction with other clues.
Sometimes people who adamantly assert an opinion or
view don't even hold it themselves. If they were confident
in their thinking, they would not feel a need to compensate.
If someone says right up front that he positively won't
budge, it means one thing: He knows he can be swayed. He
needs to tell you this so you won't ask, because he knows
he'll cave in.
Ironically, the confident person will use phrases like "I'm
sorry, this is pretty much the best we can do" or "I'm afraid
there's not a whole lot of room for negotiation here." This
person's words provide comfort for his opponent, not a
shield for himself.
CLUE 17
The Good Old Freudian Slip
Sometimes we say one thing whenwe mean to say another.
This is referred to as a Freudian slip, a subconscious leak
when a person's misspoken words reflect and reveal his true
feelings, thoughts, or intentions. For example, someone who
means to say, "We worked really hard on the project; it took
us all night to complete it," might slip and say, "We worked
really hard on the project; it took us all night to copy it."
There's a great joke about these unconscious slip-ups. A
man confessed to his friend that he had made a Freudian
slip during a recent dinner with his parents. He said, "I
meant to say 'Could you please pass the salt?' to my mother.
Instead it came out as 'I had a terrible childhood and you've
ruined my life, you wicked woman.' '
CLUE 18
I'm Above That Sort of Thing
When a person is asked a question, if he responds with an
answer that depersonalizes and globalizes the question, be
aware. Let's say you ask someone, "Were you honest with
me about our conversation yesterday?" Watch out if you
get a reply like "Of course I was. I would never lie to you.
You know how I feel about lying." Or when someone is
asked, "Did you ever steal from your last job?" he responds
with, "No, I think stealing from one's job is the worst thing
you can do." Or "Did you ever cheat on me?" And you hear,
"You know I'm against that sort of thing. I think it morally
reprehensible." To sound more emphatic, a liar offers abstract assurances as evidence ofhis innocence in a specific
instance. In his mind the evidence doesn't weigh
favourably for him, so he brings in his fictitious belief
system to back him up.
CLUE 19
Silence Is Gold-Plated
Have you ever experienced a first date where a lapse in conversation caused uneasiness or anxiety? When you're
uncomfortable, silence adds to your discomfort. Conversely,
some married couples can be comfortable in each other's
presence for hours without a single word being exchanged.
The guilty are uncomfortable with silence.
When someone is asked a question, take notice if he continues to add more information without being prodded. A
typical scenario would go like this: You ask Jack where he
was Friday night. He responds with "I was out with my
friends." You don't acknowledge his answer. Jack gets nervous because in his mind he hasn't sold you. So he goes on:
"We went to the movies." He'll continue adding new facts
until you respond, thus letting him know that he's convinced
you.
This should not be confused with the person who says it
all right away. The guilty tells his story in dribs and drabs
until he gets a verbal confirmation to stop. He speaks to fill
the gap left by the silence.
CLUE 20
An Implied Answer Is No Answer
Often when a person doesn't want to respond to a question
he will imply an answer. For example, Ralph is speaking on
the telephone with a girl he has never met before. He says
jokingly, "So, are you gorgeous?" She proceeds to tell him
that she works out three times a week, takes an aerobics
class every other day, and has dated several male models.
This is a non-answer. She is attempting to circumvent the
question altogether by implying that she is attractive.
The following exchange is from a press conference between reporter Helen Thomas and President Nixon's press
secretary, Ronald Ziegler, during the Watergate scandal.
THOMAS: Has the President asked for any resignations so far
and have any been submitted or on his desk?
ZlEGLER: I have repeatedly stated, Helen, that there is no
change in the status ofthe White House staff.
THOMAS: But that was not the question. Has he asked for
any resignations?
ZlEGLER: I understand the question, and I heard it the first
time. Let me go through my answer. As I have said, there
is no change in the status of the White House staff. There
have been no resignations submitted.
The question "Has the President asked for any resignations?" was not answered eitherdirectly or indirectly. Ziegler tried to imply that he was giving an answer to the
question, but he never did answer it.
SUMMARY
• He will use your words to make his point.
• He will keep adding more information until he's
sure that he has sold you on his story.
• He may stonewall, giving the impression that his
mind is made up. This is often an attempt to limit
your challenges to his position.
• Watch out for the good old Freudian slip.
• He depersonalizes his answer by offering his
belief on the subject instead of answering
directly.
• He may imply an answer but never state it
directly
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