ELEVEN SILVER BULLETS: HOW TO GET
THE TRUTH WITHOUT BEATING IT
OUT OF THEM
The following eleven bullets can be used independently or
in order, one after another, until you get the answer you're
looking for. They are designed to get the person to confess.
While the bullets can be fired in any order, some of them
negate subsequent ones, so see which ones are appropriate
for your particular situation and then arrange them in the
appropriate sequence.
You want to convey enthusiasm and truthfulness when
you use these bullets. They are most effective when you convey complete honesty in what you're saying. So don't "give
yourself away" by making the same mistakes revealed in
the clues. You see, the clues todeceit work in reverse as
well. If you do not commit any of them, the person you are
speaking to will at both the conscious and the unconscious
level perceive you as truthful. Don't forget that this person
must believe what you're saying is true. If you threaten to
do something, it has to be a believable threat or he won't
take the bait. To convey honesty and truthfulness in your
message, use the following techniques:
• Look the person directly in the eyes.
• Use hand movements to emphasize your message.
• Use animated gestures that are fluid and consistent with
the conversation.
Stand or sit upright—no slouching. Don't start
off with any statements such as "To tell you
the truth . . ."or "To beperfectly honest with
you ..." Face the person straight on. Don't
back away.
AND DON'T FORGET THE CARROT!
"And there goes Lucky . . ." This is the announcer's familiar line at the dog track at the start of the race. Lucky refers
to a stuffed rabbit that moves around the track just in front
of the lead dog, an incentive that keeps all the dogs running
faster. Liars are a lot like dogs. They need an incentive to
confess. And an incentive is much more powerful if it's offered in a specific way. The payoff for confessing needs to
be immediate, clear, specific, and compelling. You can't just
tell a person what he'll gain by being truthful or lose by
continuing to lie; you must make it real for him—so real,
in fact, that he can feel, taste, touch, see, and hear it. Make
it his reality. Let him experience fully the pleasure of being
honest and the pain of continuing the lie. Involve as many
of the senses as you can, particularly visual, auditory, and
kinaesthetic. Create images for the person to see, sounds for
him to hear, and sensations that he can almost feel. You
want to make this experience as real as possible.
The best way to do it is to first state the positives, then
state the negatives, and then present the choice. You want
to use this type of imagery with the silver bullets.
For example, suppose you are a boss investigating the
possibility that your employee is embezzling money from
the company. Here's how you might talk to him: "Bill, you
need to tell me the whole story* so we can put this behind
us. Look, I've got big plans for you. You know that corner
office with the green marble floors and mirrored bar? Well,
pretty soon you'll be sitting behind that solid oak desk and
running your own division. Of course you'll have your own
assistant—probably Cathy. And when you drive to work
each morning you'll be able to park in one of the reserved
spaces. The monthly executive dinner meetings as well as
use of the company vacation home in Hawaii will be yours
as well."
Do you see how imagery helped Bill imagine himself in
his new position? His "logical" promotion has been transformed into an emotional experience.
Now you, as Bill's boss, pause, sigh, and in your best
parental tone finish your statement. "Unfortunately, none
of this will ever be possible if we don't clear the air about
the missing money. Taking it is one thing—we all make
mistakes. I have, you have, we all have. But I can't have a
liar working here. If you wait for accounting to tell me, as
tough as it will be for me to do, you'll be out of here real
fast. And unfortunately you know how these things can get
around. Getting another job will be very difficult for you.
As you pound the pavement each day looking for work
you'll find one door after another slamming shut in front
of you. I sure wouldn't want to face your wife every night
when you tell her that you had no luck finding a new job.
So what's it going to be? The corner office and the bright
future, or the disgrace and pain of losing everything?"
*The phrase "whole story" is more effective than asking someone to
confess or tell the truth. By asking for the whole story you're not implying
that he's been lying to you and you're giving him credit for being partially
honest. Now he just has to go a little further and be completely honest.
Asking someone to tell the truth is asking him to reverse his original position, the lie. And this is more difficult to bring about.
Above all, be consistent
Keep your message consistent. Remember that we all communicate on two levels: verbal and nonverbal. For instance,
when you give an ultimatum, make sure that your nonverbal communication is consistent with your words. If you tell
someone that you have "had enough and are through being
lied to" only to remain where you are, you're not going to
be very convincing. In this instance you would need to get
up and walk toward the exit. You can always come back
with another strategy later. Your behaviour must always reflect the intensity and passion of your message.
Quick Tip: Always use the person's name when you're speaking. People tend
to listen more closely and respond more compliantly when they hear their
name.
S I L V E R B U L L E T 1
If You Think That's Bad,
Wait Until You Hear This!
This bullet works well because it forces the liar into thinking
emotionally instead of logically. It alleviates his guilt by
making him feel that he's not alone, and it throws him off
by creating a little anger and/or curiosity. Plus he thinks
that you and he are exchanging information, instead of his
giving you something for nothing.
Sample question formation: "The reason I'm asking you
these questions is that I've done some things that I'm
not too proud of, either. I can understand why you might
have ... In a way I'm almost relieved. Now I don't feel too
bad." At this point he will ask you to get more specific about
your actions. But insist that he tell you first. Hold out and
he'll come clean.
SILVER BULLET 2
It Was an Accident. Really!
This is a great strategy because it makes him feel that it
would be a good thing to have you know exactly what happened. He did something wrong, true, but that is no longer
your concern. You shift the focus of your concern to his
intentions, not his actions. This makes it easy for him to
confess to his behaviour and "make it okay" with the
explanation that it was unintentional. He feels that you
care about his motivation. In other words, you let him
know that the source of your concern is not what he's
done, but why he's done it.
Sample question formation: "I can understand that
maybe you didn't plan on its happening. Things just got out
of control and you acted without thinking. I'm fine with
that—an accident, right? But if you did this on purpose, I
don't think that I could ever forgive you. You need to tell
me that you didn't do it intentionally. Please."
S I L V E R B U L L E T 3
The Boomerang
Firing this bullet really throws a psychological curveball.
With this example you tell him that he did something good,
not bad. He's completely thrown off by this.
Scenario A
You suspect that Richard is stealing from the company. You
want to find out if this is true, and if so, how long it's been
going on.
Sample question formation: "Hey, Richard, I think you
and I can become very wealthy partners. It seems that
you've been cutting in on my action a little bit. But that's
okay. We can work together, you old devil." You want to
seem glad that you know what he's doing.
Scenario B
You suspect that your spouse may be having an affair.
Sample question formation: "You know, John, while
I'm not thrilled about what was going on behind my back
[this phrase is said to gain credibility; startingoff with an
honest statement makes what follows more believable], you
should have said something. I could have saved you a lot of
sneaking around. Maybe all three of us could get together.
It might be fun. All this sneaking around is silly."
Wow, he's blown away. He has an incentive for telling
the truth that's better than what he was doing on the sly. In
other words, he thinks that bycoming clean, he'll have more
fun doing what he's been doing. If he's not cheating on you,
he'll think you're nuts, but you will nonetheless have the
truth.
Scenario C
You want to see if your interviewee has lied on her resume.
Sample question formation: "As we both know, everybody pads his resume just a bit. Personally, I think it shows
guts. It tells me that the person isn't afraid to take on new
responsibilities. Which parts were you most creative with on
this resume?"
S I L V E R B U L L E T 4
Truth or Consequences
With this bullet you force your antagonist to work with you
or you both end up with nothing. This is the exact opposite
of the boomerang. Here the person has nothing unless
he cooperates with you. Since you have nothing anyway
(meaning you don't have the truth), it's a good trade-off for
you. The following parable illustrates this point nicely.
A greedy and evil watermelon farmer realizes that someone has been stealing one watermelon from him each night.
Try as he might, he cannot catch the thief. Frustrated and
annoyed, one afternoon he goes into his vast watermelon
patch and injects one of the melons with a lethal poison. Not
to be totally cruel, he posts a sign that reads, "To the person
who is stealing from me: I have poisoned one of the watermelons. Steal from me, and you will be risking your life."
The next morning he goes out, and while he is pleased to
see that the thief has not struck, he finds a note left for him.
"Dear Farmer: Tonight I too have poisoned one of your watermelons. Now we can either work together or they will all
rot."
Scenario A
You suspect that your housekeeper has stolen from you.
Sample question formation: "I'd rather hear it from you
first. I can live with what you did/what happened, but not
with your lying to me about it. If you don't tell me, then it's
over. If you tell me the truth, things can go back to how
they were. But if you don't, then we have no chance here,
and you'll have nothing."
You can't let the person benefit from his action unless he
tells you about it. Now the only way he can set things
straight is by confessing and cooperating with you.
This bullet allows him to confess to his wrongdoing with
less anxiety. You want to convey that anything that he's
done pales in comparison to his lying to about it: "Doing
what you did is one thing—we can get past that—but lying
about it is something that I cannot deal with. Just be honest
and we'll be able to put this whole thing behind us. Until
you come clean, it won't be possible for you to continue
here."
SILVER BULLET 5
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace
Plumbers know that the time to negotiate a price is when
the basement is flooded. Obviously, the motivation for the
homeowner to act is highest when the problem is most intense. And when might the pilots' union go on strike? Right
before holidays, the peak days of the year for airline travel.
The name of the game is leverage.
Deadlines produce results. How fast do you think you
would get your taxes in if there was no deadline? Or if
there was a deadline but no penalty was attached to it? How
fast would you get a project done at work if your boss told
you that the results had to be on his desk before you retired?
Would you ever get around to using those coupons if they
had no expiration date? We have deadlines with penalties
attached in almost every area of our life.
Human beings place a premium on that which is scarce.
Simply put, rare equals good. You can dramatically increase
your leverage by conveying that this is the only time that
you will discuss this. Let him knowthat (a) this is his last
chance he'll have for explaining himself, and (b) you can
get what you need from someone else. Try increasing the
rate of your speech as well. The faster you speak, the less
time he has to process the information, and it conveys a
stronger sense of urgency.
Give a deadline with a penalty for not meeting it. Deadlines force action. If the guilty party thinks that he can always come clean, then he will take a wait-and-see approach
before tipping his hand. Let the person know that you already know and have proof of his action. And admitting his
sins now will give him the opportunity to explain his side.
Sample question formation I: "I want to hear it from
you now. After tomorrow, anything you say won't make a
difference to me."
Sample question formation II: "I know what happened/
what you did. I was hoping I would hear it from you first.
It would mean a lot to me to hear your side of it. I know
there are two sides to every story, and before I decide what
to do, I want to hear yours."
Hearing this gives him the feeling he still has a chance if
he confesses. After all, what really happened can't be as bad
as what you heard. Confessing now is a way of cutting his
losses.
SILVER BULLET 6
Reverse Course
This sequence provides the person with an unforeseen and
unexpected incentive to tell the truth. You convey to him
that what happened or what he did was a good thing insofar
as it allows you and he to establish an even better relationship—personal or professional. You give him an opportunity to explain why he took that choice. You also blame
yourself. Here's how it works.
Sample question formation: "I understand why you
would have done that. Clearly you wouldn't have unless
you had a good reason. You were probably treated unfairly
or something was lacking. What can I do to help so that it
doesn't happen again?" This is an assumptive question—
you take for granted you are right in your assertion that he
acted in this way. When he begins to tell you his grievances, it paves the way for him to justify his previous actions—his misdeeds—to you. Keep interjecting the
following phrases: "I take full responsibility for your actions. Let's work together to see how we can avoid this
happening again. I understand completely. You were right
to do what you did."
SILVER BULLET 7
I Hate to Do This But You
Leave me No Choice
This is the only strategy that involves threat. The other bullets make it comfortable for the person to reveal his true
self. This one turns up the heat a little. You let him become
aware that there are going to be greater ramifications and
repercussions than just lying to you—things that he never
thought about.
In this bullet you up the ante, but you rely on his imagination to set the terms of the damage that you can inflict.
His mind will race through every possible scenario as his
own fears turn against him. You create a larger problem
and then offer a solution. The deceiver made his choice to
deceive based upon a gain/loss ratio that he deemed to be
to his benefit. Letting him know that the ramifications are
much greater than he ever considered helps to re-establish
the risk/reward ratio in your favour.
Sample question formation I: "I didn't want to have to
do this, but you leave me no choice." This will inevitably
propel him to respond: "Do what?" At this point he's waiting to see what the trade-off will be. But do not commit yourself to an action. Let him create in his own mind scenarios
of what you will do unless he confesses.
Sample question formation II: "You know what I can
do, and I'll do it. If you don't want to tell me now, don't.
I'll just do what I have to do."
After this statement pay close attention to his response.
If he focuses on what you will do to him, the odds lean more
toward guilty. However, if he reasserts that he's done nothing, he may in fact be innocent of your accusation. This is
because the guilty person needs to know the penalty to determine if it makes sense for him to stick to his story. Only
the guilty have the option of confessing. They are the ones
who have to make a decision. The innocent has no such
choice to make, and therefore nothing to consider.
S I L V E R B U L L E T 8
I Guess You're Not Allowed
Never underestimate the power of appealing to a person's
ego. Sometimes you want to inflate it, and other times you
want to attack it. And as you may have guessed, this bullet
is for attacking.
It's truly saddening how fragile some people's egos are—
but for these people this bullet works very well. It really gets
under their skin. A friend of mine who is a police detective
loves this technique. The following is a generic example of
how it is used.
"We picked up this guy for beating up on a couple of
homeless guys. We were getting absolutely nowhere with
him. Finally, after half an hour, we were thinking we had
to let him walk. We had no casebecause one of the homeless
men disappeared and the other was too afraid. So I looked
at this jackass and said, 'Oh, okay, I get it. You're afraid
that Niko [a drug runner he has worked with before] is
gonna kick the crap out of you.That's it, isn't it? You can't
go to court over this because he owns you. You're his little
slave." After the suspect hurled a few expletives he shouted,
"Nobody owns me." He became indignant. And to prove his
point, he did what he had to: he confessed, proudly.
Sample question formation I: "I think I know what it
is—you're not allowed to tell me. Somebody else is pulling
the strings and you'll get in trouble."
Sample question formation II: "Okay, I think I know
what it is. You'd tell me the truth if you could, but you don't
have the power to. You're not able to and you probably feel
as bad as I do about it."
S I L V E R B U L L E T 9
Higher Authority
If the situation is right, this bullet will work exceptionally
well. An acquaintance of mine who works in the human
resources department of a large financial firm loves this one.
She tells me that it's her greatest tool for weeding out undesirable candidates for employment.
As long as the person believes that you are on his side,
he'll take the bait. All you have to do is let him know that
anything he's lied about can now be cleared up in seconds.
However, if anyone else finds outabout it later, it's too late.
Scenario A
You think an interviewee has lied on his resume.
Sample question formation: "I'm going to do something
nice for you because I think you'd be great for this job.
They're going to want to verify everything on the resume.
Even the slightest exaggeration will prevent you from being
hired. So let's clean it up now. What specifically needs to be
revised so that it's perfectly accurate?"
Scenario B
You want to know if your secretary leaves early when you're
out of the office.
Sample question formation: "The vice president from
corporate is coming in today. He's asked about your hours,
so I'm going to tell him that you come in early on the days
that you leave early. Do you remember what days last
month you finished up early and took off?"
Do you see how disarming this is? You're not yelling at
her or demanding answers. It's us against them, and you're
here to help. Plus the phrase "finished up early" implies
that she's done all her work—and efficiently at that. You're
on her side, and you're going to work together to smooth
things over.
SILVER BULLET 10
The Great Unknown
For most people it is next to impossible to see anything or
understand any concept by itself. This means that when a
new situation arises we have an inherent need to compare
and contrast it with something familiar. But what if there
was no category for it fall into? This can be a very frightening experience.
If you want the truth and the penalty for lying is clear,
then the suspect knows the up side and the down side for
confessing and he can weigh his options. It stands to reason
that in instances where the penalty for lying is not severe
enough, you will have difficulty getting the truth. So you
need to remove the penalty from the known and put it where
it's uncomfortable: the unknown.
You can obtain maximum leverage by explaining how the
ramifications of his deceit will be something that the suspect
has never known before. Even if he believes that you are
limited in what you can do to him and in what the penalty
will be, the severity of the penalty can be manipulated in
two major ways to make it appear much more severe. The
two factors are time and impact.
Time: Give no indication of when the penalty will occur.
When things happen unexpectedly, the degree of anguish is
more potent. If he knows he won't get a chance to mentally
prepare and brace himself, the anxiety is greatly heightened.
Impact: Convey that his entire life will be disrupted and
drastically altered for the worse.He needs to see that this
event is not isolated and will instead have a ripple effect.
When bad things happen we are often comforted in knowing
that it will soon be over and the rest of our life will remain
intact and unaffected. But if these things are not assured,
we become increasingly fearful and concerned.
Scenario
You suspect an employee of stealing. You can threaten to
fire him, in which case he may weigh his options and decide
that you may never find out the truth. However, if you
said . . .
Sample question formation: "Smith, at any time should
I discover that you've been lying to me about this, I will
have your desk cleaned out and security escort you to your
car. There will be no good-byes. I'll march you right out of
here in the middle of the day. And this is a small business
community—try getting a job with this hanging over your
head. You'll be completely through."
You then ask him to come clean now and offer him the
option of a transfer to another part of the company so you
can both put this behind you. This last sentence is called an
easy-out clause and is talked about more in part 6.
SILVER BULLET 11
I Couldn't Care Less
A primary law governing human nature is that we all have
a need to feel significant. Nobody wants to be thought of as
unimportant, or feel that his ideas and thinking is irrelevant.
Take away a person's belief that he has value and he'll do
just about anything to reassert his sense of importance. If
he feels that you don't care thathe's lying to you, he will
want to know—better, he needs to know—why you're so
cavalier and dispassionate. Did you expect something like
this from him? Do you know something that he doesn't?
Are you uninterested in his opinion or feelings for you? Do
you plan on seeking retribution or revenge? When you show
emotion, you show that you care. Your apathy toward the
situation will unnerve him immensely. He will begin to
crave recognition and acceptance, in any form. He needs to
know you care what happens, and if talking about his misdeeds is the only way he can find out, he will. Some examples of what you can say are as follows:
Sample question formation A: "I know and I just don't
care. This is not for me."
Sample question formation B: "I've got other things to
think about. Maybe we'll talk some other time."
Sample question formation C: "You do what you have
to do, that's fine with me."
When you ignore a person you usually do not make
eye contact. However, in this situation, you want to
make an instant impact, and engaging him in direct eye
contact does this best. To make this even more
powerful, stare at him. Inour culture, as in most,
staring is often dehumanizing. We stare at things that
are on display, such as caged animals. When you stare
at someone he often feels less significant and will seek
to reassert his value.
These attack sequences should do the job quite nicely.
However, if you're still not getting the answers you
want, it's time for the advanced techniques in part 5.
Remember to read this section through carefully before
using any of these techniques.
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