H O W S O M E T H I N G IS S A I D
"What is the use of lying when the truth, well distributed,
serves the same purpose."
—W.E. FORSTER
I know a hair stylist who would go into the woman's purse
for his tip after the haircut. No one ever got upset with him
because he did it in such an innocent way that you just had
to laugh. It's how he did it that made all the difference.
Two salespeople can read all the manuals on selling and
learn all the sales pitches there are, and one will still sell far
more than the other. While the two speak the same words,
these words convey completely different messages. How
something is said is often just as important as what is said.
Emphasis on different parts of a sentence can covey completely different meanings. Notice the different ways the
phrase "Michelle was caught stealing from her boss" can be
interpreted depending upon where the emphasis is placed.
Michelle / was / caught / stealing / from her / boss
abed e f
a. By emphasizing the name Michelle, you're conveying the
significance of who stole.
b. Emphasis on was draws attention to the fact that it has
already happened.
c. Emphasis on caught indicates that the fact that she got
caught is unusual.
d. Stress on stealing lets us know that stealing is out of character for her.
e. If from her is emphasized, the fact that she stole from her
own boss is unusual.
f. Emphasis on boss shows that it was unusual for her to
steal from a boss—any boss.
This section explores the subtleties of communication.
You will see how the speaker's hidden thoughts are always
hinged to the expression of his words.
C L U E 21
Speedy Gonzales
There's a rule of thumb about the speed at which an individual answers. It is most germane when you ask about intangibles—attitudes or beliefs—instead of facts. A well
known restaurant chain uses a timed test response in their
hiring process. They will ask the interviewee if she has any
prejudices against other ethnic groups or if she feels uncomfortable working with or serving certain people. The longer
it takes her to answer no, the lower her score. This question
concerns a belief and requires internal processing. Someone
who holds no such prejudice answers quickly. A person who
is prejudiced takes longer toevaluate the question and formulate her answer. The prejudiced person tries to come up
with the "right" answer, which takes more time than merely
giving an honest answer.
Another element to consider is pacing. How fast does the
rest of the sentence follow the initial one-word response? In
truthful statements a fast no or yes is followed quickly by
an explanation. If the person is being deceitful the rest of
the sentence may come more slowly because she gets that
no or yes out quickly but then needs time to think up an
explanation.
CLUE 22
Compensation
Be suspicious of someone whose reaction is all out of proportion to the question or comment. This person is attempting to accomplish a variety of objectives. She wants to
appear outraged by the accusation, but she is not. So she
exaggerates her displeasure, often ending up going a little
overboard. She tries to convince you because the evidence
doesn't. As Shakespeare said, "The lady doth protest too
much." Also beware of diatribes where she repeats points
that she has already made.
Sometimes a person may claim to be indignant about a
cause or belief because he is trying to convince himself along
with his accuser. This reaction,interestingly enough, takes
place at the unconscious level. The man who claims to be
adamantly against prostitution may be covering up his true
feelings, which are the exact opposite. Not wanting to become consciously aware of what he really believes, he reinforces his overt attitude by expressing it aggressively. Of
course, though, the person could just be passionate about
his cause, so this statement needs to be viewed within the
context of the conversation.
This person is also reluctant to use words that convey
attachment and ownership. For example, while lying about
his car having been stolen, he may refer to it as "the car"
or "that car" and not "my car" or "our car." When lying
about a relationship or actions toward a person, he may use
such phrases as "that child," or"the relationship," instead
of "my child" or "our relationship."
CLUE 23
Emphasis Makes the Meaning
The pronouns /, we1 and us are underused or absent. The
liar doesn't want to own his words. When a person is making
a truthful statement, he emphasizes the pronoun as much
as or more than the rest of the sentence. Instead of saying,
"Yes, I am," a person who is lying may respond with a
simple yes.
Words of expression are not emphasized. For example,
"We had a greeeat time!" conveys ownership of his words.
Now say quickly, "It went great"—bland and noncommittal.
When a person is speaking truthfully, the initial one-or
two-word agreement or denial may be elongated for emphasis—"Nooo," "Yeeesss," or "Of courrrse." This type of
emphasis is usually absent in deception. This elongation occurs because the person is comfortable with his position and
doesn't mind "playing" with his answer. A friend of mine
who is an acting coach tells me that unpolished actors often
speak all the words in their lines with equal emphasis, a
dead giveaway that they are novices. The simple practice of
elongating key words often makes for much more believable
performances.
Additionally, there will probably be no highs or lows, just
in-betweens. Not only is the voice higher—like any other
muscle, the vocal cords tighten under stress—but varied
voice inflection may be missing.We generally use inflection
for emphasis when we are making a point. A deceitful statement often is delivered in a flat voice devoid of any real
nuances.
CLUE 24
The Mumbler
The words themselves may not be clear; they seem forced.
This person is inclined to mumble and speak more softly
than if he were passionate about his statement. Out of fear,
however, it's possible that his voice may become higher and
his rate of speech accelerated. Grammar and syntax may be
off as well, with poor sentence structure and misspoken
words likely to occur.
When Sarah professed her lovefor her fiance, she would
tell him how much she cared for him. And he would reply
in a barely audible voice, simply repeating her words back
to her. This didn't seem like a big deal until she started
putting a few other things together. Instinctively we know
that when a person responds like Sarah's ex, something is
missing. And that something is often the truth.
CLUE 25
Questions and Statements Shouldn't
Sound Alike
Asking a question and making a statement have two distinct
speaking styles. When a person asks a question—"What are
you doing?"—his head comes up at the end—on the ing in
doing. The eyes, too, will open wider at the last part of a
question.
How is this useful? Suppose you get an answer that is
worded like a statement but styled like a question. This
indicates that the person is unsure of his statement and is
looking for confirmation from you. If you ask someone a
question and he says with all certainty, "XYZ," but his
voice, head, and eyes lift at the end of their statement,
then his conviction is not as strong as he is leading you
to believe.
SUMMARY
• Deceitful responses to questions regarding beliefs
and attitudes take longer to think up.
• Watch out for reactions that are all out of
proportion to the question.
• The person who is lying may leave out
pronouns and speak in a monotonous and
inexpressive voice. Words may be garbled, and
syntax and grammar may be off. In other words,
his sentences will likely be muddled.
• Statements sound an awful lot like questions,
indicating that he's seeking reassurance
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