Never be lied 3

INTERPERSONAL INTERACTIONS

You want to be aware of a person's posture in and of itself 

and in relation to his surroundings. How the person carries 

himself and behaves in relation towhat he says is an excellent indication of his comfort level.

It's widely believed that when we are wrongfully accused

we become defensive. In fact, generally speaking, only a 

guilty person gets defensive. Someone who is innocent will 

usually go on the offensive. If Mary and John are arguing 

and Mary accuses John of something, John doesn't automatically assume a defensive posture. If he is innocent and 

objects to what Mary is saying, he will go on the offensive. 

The following clues look at the distinctions between these 

two states of mind.

CLUE 9

The Head Shift

If someone is uttering or listening to a message that makes 

her uncomfortable, her head may shift away from the one 

she is talking to. This is an attempt to distance herself from 

the source of the discomfort. If she is comfortable with her 

position and secure in her actions, she will move her head 

toward the other person in an attempt to get closer to the 

source of information. Watch for an immediate and pronounced jerking of the head or a slow deliberate withdrawal. 

Either may happen.

This action is very different from—and should not be 

confused with—a slight tilt of the head to the side. This 

occurs when we hear something of interest. It's considered 

to be a vulnerable pose and would not be adopted by a 

person with something to hide. 

CLUE 10

The Posture of a Liar

When a person feels confident about a situation and conversation, he stands erect or sits up straight. This behaviour 

also indicates how people feel about themselves in general. 

Those who are secure and confident stand tall, with shoulders back. Those who are insecure or unsure of themselves 

often stand hunched over, with their hands in their pockets. 

Studies have shown that the best way to avoid being 

mugged is to walk briskly, withyour head up and your arms 

moving. Such a style of moving conveys confidence. A conversation that produces feelings of confidence or those of 

insecurity will produce the concomitant physical posture.

CLUE 11

If She's Headed for the Door . . .

Just as we move away from someone who threatens us physically, the person who feels ata psychological disadvantage 

will shift or move away from her accuser. When we feel 

passionate about our ideas, in an attempt to persuade the 

other person, we move toward him. The liar is reluctant to 

move toward or even face the source of the threat. She turns 

sideways or completely away and rarely standssquared off. 

The face-to-face demeanour is reserved for the person 

who seeks to refute a slanderousstatement. This is not the 

case when there's deceit. 

Also look for a movement in the direction of the exit. 

Feeling uncomfortable, she may angle her body or actually 

move toward the exit. While standing she may position her 

back to the wall. Her psychological exposure causes her to 

seek physical refuge. Feeling verbally ambushed, she wants 

to make sure that she can see what's coming next. Those 

who are confident and comfortable don't mind taking centre 

stage.

CLUE 12

If He's Not Touchin', He's Probably Bluffin'

The person who is being deceitful will have little or no physical contact with the one he is talking to. This is an excellent 

and quite reliable indicator. While making a false statement, 

or during a conversation containing one, the liar will rarely 

touch the other person. He's unconsciously reducing the level 

of intimacy to help alleviate his guilt. Touch indicates psychological connection; it's usedwhen we believe strongly in 

what we're saying.

CLUE 13

The Finger That Never Points

Someone who is lying or hiding something rarely points a 

finger, either at others or straight up in the air. Finger pointing indicates conviction and authority as well as emphasis

of a point. Someone who's not standing on solid ground 

probably won't be able to muster this nonverbal cue of disdain.

CLUE 14

Roadblocks, Barriers, and Obstacles

See if he uses inanimate objects—a pillow, a drinking glass, 

anything—to form a barrier between you and him. Just as 

you would shield yourself from physical harm, so, too, does 

he protect himself from a verbal assault. How comfortable 

someone is with a particular topic can be readily seen in how 

open he is to discussing it. Placing a physical barrier between you and him is the verbal equivalent of "I don't want 

to talk about it," indicating deception or a covert intention. 

Since he can't get up and leave, his displeasure manifests 

itself in the formation of physical barriers between him and 

the source of the discomfort.

Jim, a colleague of mine, told me an interesting story 

about his former boss, who was president of a large manufacturing company. Whenever Jim was in the boss's office 

and brought up employee problems, product flaws, or anything that made the president uncomfortable, his boss 

would place his coffee mug on the desk in front of him, 

between them both. Then he would casually and quite unconsciously line up all of the desk accessories, forming a 

clear barrier between himself and his employee.

SUMMARY

•  There's movement away from his accuser, 

possibly in the direction of the exit.

•  He is reluctant to face his accuser and may turn 

his head or shift his body away.

•  The person who is lying will probably slouch; 

he is unlikely to stand tall with his arms out or 

outstretched. There will be little or no physical 

contact during his attempt to convince you.

•  He will not point his finger at the person he is 

trying to convince.

•  He may place physical objects between himself 

and his accuser.